52 sunsets

It wasn’t a Sunday, but it was too beautiful to resist. I called up my friend Lars and we made our plans to get down to the beach as soon as we could. He was still busy with a shoot, but did everything in his power to wrap it up quickly. I bought some snacks and a bottle of wine and we headed on down to Clifton. As soon as we got there we ran straight into the sea. It was late but we both needed the refreshment. I think I had only just recovered from my previous weekend’s lack of sleep. The bracing water was exactly what was needed.

And then we simply lay there and chatted. Well, chatted and drank and munched. It was exactly what makes me love this city. You can rush down to the beach after work on a Thursday on a hot, humid day, take a quick dip to wash the day away, and kuier and laugh with a good friend. Experiences like these make life memorable and keep me looking forward to more.

Thanks for sharing this with me, Lars. You’re a great friend.

My pondering: “Don’t let a beautiful moment pass you by. Put yourself directly in its path and bask in it as completely as you can.”

I felt the urge to get to this beautiful park. A park I hadn’t visited for quite a while, even though I’ve driven past it at least a few times every week, and I’ve lived within a few hundred metres of it for the past 3 years. This day was the day for it.

I was exhausted from the weekend with my friend Allan, lovingly referred to as ‘The Texan’. Everything is bigger in Texas, and, as I learnt, so are the parties. Allan knew how to have fun. Thus the exhaustion on a Sunday night. I needed a spot to come and sit and reflect.

I walked across to the park, sat myself down on an unoccupied bench near the centre, light a cigarette and looked around at the general goings-on. There were dogs everywhere. That I remembered from the last time. Dogs playing, fighting, sniffing and doing all the wonderfully free and random things that dogs generally do. In tow of two of these creatures was a man who later introduced himself as Linden. He asked me for a cigarette and I of course obliged. We chatted for a bit, although I really struggled to complete my sentences, seeing that the lack of sleep had robbed me of most of my faculties, or at least, certainly my conversational abilities. But he was easy to speak to and didn’t try to engage too deeply, something for which I was quite grateful. I bade him farewell and moved on around the park, continuing my observations and trying to stay awake. But I was still thinking about Linden. It renewed my faith, love and belief in Cape Town and it’s ability to provide for me what is necessary in my life.  I was intrigued by him. He wasn’t the typical guy you meet at the bars or clubs and certainly not the kind who would fit into most of the social circles I’ve come to revolve in. But that was exactly what intrigued me about him.

I sat down on another bench, hoping that I hadn’t seen the last of him. Sure enough, his dogs brought him over to me again. He sat down and we shared another cigarette, sharing more about each other. I was still not sure about which team he batted for, but my gut told me that it was the same as mine. I really needed to sleep by this point, so I made my motions to go. Linden asked to exchange numbers and we did. I guess if I still had doubts, they were lifted now. I wanted him to ask me to his place for coffee right then, but I knew I wouldn’t be great company, so we planned to meet later on in the week. It hasn’t happened yet and I feel bad about that, because I don’t want him to get the impression that I don’t want to get to know more about him. I guess I just seem to be spinning a bit much at the moment and need to ground myself a bit before I can fit new people into my life. I barely seem to have time for myself, let alone all the people that I know and love. But I would like to get to know him a bit better. Better in a friend kind of way. The kind of way that allows you to expand your circle and experience more than you usually allow yourself. So I’m going to make a proper date with him so that I don’t miss out on the ’something’ that I was being led to when Linden came and chatted to me in the park.

Thought for the day: “When a stranger sits down next to you and start talking to you, talk back. You never know what opportunity is being presented to you.”

This place

I’ve always enjoyed this part of Cape Town. It’s remarkably quiet for a City Suburb. You can almost forget that the city is at your feet. It’s probably because the mountain is at your back. There’s a sense of ‘being above it all’, not in a snobbish, colonial or classist way, but rather in a spiritual, detached way. Looking down you can observe without influencing, appreciate without having to interact. The one-on-one activities that consume your everyday existence fall away and become of no importance. It’s this feeling that I’d like to hold on to and carry with me throughout the coming week. Every time doubt, worry, confusion, anger or fear cross my mind, I’ll take myself back to this place and remember how pointless those emotions are. How much they waste the precious moments we have.

The season’s upon us

It’s back. This week was the week that summer started folding over us again. There’s an excitement in the air. A heated excitement. The beaches are filling up, the gyms are packed with frenzied fat-loss freaks and the stores are on their marketing drives again, full of chocolate sins and garish red Santas. What gets my juices flowing is the sun. The source of it all. It’s bringing the life back to Cape Town and everyone can feel it. Driving behind me today were two girls dancing in their car to whatever they were playing on their system. It made me smile, and it made me remember - yet again - why I have such a love for this city, this place in the universe that is so full of diversity, mystery and controversy. It’s something about the unique blend of sea, land, mountain, and people congregated on the tip of Africa that keeps me interested and inspired. I keep saying I’m going to leave to experience something else, but I keep staying. I’m not ready to go yet.

“Find the place, find your space, fill your mind with the sun’s warm embrace. “

I didn’t think I’d get a sunset today. It’s been a strange weather day. Mostly overcast, but with a few bits of open skies thrown in for good measure. I gave up at around 18:30 when I saw that it was overcast. But then at about 18:45 I saw the sky open and rays of sunlight streaming into the city bowl from over the neck. I dashed to my car and rushed up towards Camps Bay where I caught the sun before it dipped below the clouds. Still a stunning sunset though.

Karma saw fit to reward me this week. Ruan was selling his couch, so I said I’d take it off his hands. On Monday night I went over to his place and we moved the couch from his place to mine. Not too tricky -it’s a smallish two-seater and we managed to get it into the lift ok.

The next step was to go to Kim’s place and fetch the couch that Ruan was replacing the old one with. Well, this was a bit trickier. It’s a rather large 3-4 seater. Kim’s flat is on the first floor. With a bit of rope and some careful planning, we maneuvered the unwieldy beast over the balcony and down to the ground. First step successfully overcome. So off to Ruan’s place with me in the back of the van ensuring the couch didn’t go anywhere.

We carried the couch into the lobby of Ruan’s Apartment Block only to realise that there was no way it was going into the lift. A five-storey climb up the stairs was the only option, so we resigned ourselves to it. It took about 20 minutes to climb those stairs - we were two very tired people when we arrived on the 5 floor.

We got the couch into the passage without a problem. But then we realised a few obstacles to couch heaven. We needed to lift the couch vertically so that we could swing it through the doorway. But there were 2 problems with this - firstly, the ceiling on the first floor is lower than in the lobby, so we couldn’t swing the couch vertically. Secondly, Ruan’s doorway is at the end of the passage with about a metre and a half of floor space. So even if we did manage to get it vertical, there was no way that we could’ve swung the couch through the door.

We pondered this for about a minute while the tempting smells of the chicken cooking in Ruan’s oven distracted us. Better to eat and renew our energy and then tackle the problem again, and that’s what we did.

I think Ruan realised that the couch had very little chance of ever seeing the inside of his flat, barring a creative bit of chainsaw handling, so he told me to take it. I was (pardon the pun) taken aback. Not too taken aback to miss the opportunity. So we took the couch back down 5 flights of stairs, back into the van, and then up to my place, where it now has filled up my lounge quite nicely!

So I’ve gone from no furniture (except a few odds-and-sods from Bruce’s antique collection) to 2 lovely couches! The universe is definitely smiling at me, and at this point I am beaming back all cheshire-cat-like.

This is my first post from the comfort of the new large couch, in the place that I’ve come to call home for the last 6 months. It’s really starting to feel like home too. I have a little garden going, I have a place for guests to sit (finally!) and cats to bring a certain warmth and energy, albeit a furry, hairball kind of warmth and energy. I feel I’m slowly creating my kingdom around me. I was never particularly attached to the idea of owning much stuff and I still don’t hold much regard for material things, but I’m enjoying this. I’m getting into the idea of sculpting the world around me in the way I want it to be. It’s happening slowly and organically, allowing me to take small steps and really think about how I want my world to look. I’m grateful for this. It’s a process, not a final outcome. It’s about understanding and accepting my views and perceptions and then making them real.

“It starts with the realisation that we each have something unique to share. After the realisation comes the desire to share that uniqueness with the world. Take that desire and carve paint your canvas, write your song, dance your dance. Create your kingdom.”

It was an earlier sunset this time. I decided to see what it would be like from the city bowl. Still breathtaking.

I didn’t have the ‘me’ time that I usually have though. I was at Brian and Dale’s place. A very peaceful afternoon after quite an eventful weekend, to say the least. But I’m not going to go into that here. I’ll leave that for the book…

A great memory of this past week was spending some QT with Andre, my friend who plays the violin like an angel. I went over to his place to listen to some SACD recordings he has. We sat through Stravinsky’s ‘Rite of Spring’ in it’s entirety, blasting the neighbours away with discordant and cacophonous beauty. I hadn’t heard it for quite some time and this recording was simply fantastic. Neeme Jaarvi conducting. Beautiful phrasings abounded. Instrumentation I hadn’t ever been able to pick out before became amazingly clear. The SACD format really does allow for a clarity of sound and tonal range second to none. It’s a pity it hasn’t taken off more. I understand why though. People wanted portability, not more clarity. SACD quality doesn’t really matter for modern pop music. The range is simply wasted.

He also played me some music from the movie ‘The Red Violin’. Moving stuff, pardon the pun. Andre lent me the DVD to put me in the picture. I know, another terrible pun.

And from one Rite of Spring to another - we donned our party gear and headed for the clubs to partake in the spring festivities for the first real Spring weekend we’ve had so far in Cape Town this year. Let’s just say that the evening didn’t dissappoint…

“Celebration should be enjoyed, not regretted.”

I finally got around to fixing the garden today. Brian and Dale kindly lent me their mower to try and un-jungle the garden. The cats were starting to enjoy the long grass though, but it had to be done.

I went to the nursery in Sea Point and got everything I needed to start my herb garden. Potting soil, compost, mint, parsley, coriander, rosemary, thyme, sweet basil and some kind of lettuce. It took me a few good hours to get it all done - pots and troughs needed to be moved around and I removed the hideous wooden railing that wasn’t serving any purpose. That allowed me to gain a little bit more extra space by moving my pots onto the edge of the garden. The pots need painting, but I’ll get to that next month. The whole exercise cost more than I wanted to spend, but I feel good that I’ve done it now. I was talking about it for so long and the sense of accomplishment after having completed it was definitely worth it.

But today meant more than simply cleaning up the garden and planting a few herbs. It’s a step forward for me. I never cared for gardening before. There were always too many other more important things to do. Now I’m looking forward to caring for and nurturing the plants. It’s another form of responsibility that I’m taking on. The cats were the first major step - the plants are the next. Plants need attention and care and I feel I’m ready for that now. It also allows another way if interacting with Mother Nature. I didn’t think about anything else when I was gardening today. That was a good thing.

“Take the earth between your fingers. Feel it’s contours, smell it’s energy, and let yourself be moved everyday by the rejuvenating power under our feet.”

This week I had the honour of showing off this wonderful place to my Norwegian visitors, Henrik and Silje. Taking a drive around the penninsula should be a compulsory weekly event so all Capetonians. Driving back through Misty Cliffs is a awe-inspiring experience making you realize that although the city life has it’s man-made excitement, nothing quite beats the majesty of raw, unpredictable nature. I’m quite happy in this place - I love the surroundings, the beauty the emanates from every corner, the quirky diverse people and the uncharacterizable energy that flows through everything.

But there’s something missing. It’s not something physical either - everything that I could want or need is available. No, it’s something missing from me. Something I’ve been looking for my whole life which is still eluding me. It’s the sense of completion in myself, the self-contentedness and acceptance of myself as whole and complete as I am. The knowledge that ‘I complete me’, not anyone else.

I’m starting to feel ambivalent about this though. Part of me feels this need to be complete in myself, but there’s another part telling me ‘it doesn’t work that way.’ This part reminds me of my intrinsic belief that we are all a part of God and that if we are to know God, we need to not only know ourselves, but to also know those around us, our ’soul-group’ and soulmates. The more we understand the relationships between us, the more we solidify our understanding of and relationship with our true God nature.

Then another part of me (yes, this is getting a little DID) asks: ‘So when are you going to get the time to know yourself, know others, know God and still get these websites finished on time?’ Pertinent question. I keep saying there’s not enough time for everything, but I know that is a cop-out. The problem is what I end up spending my much-treasured time on. It’s certainly not always constructive and it’s definitely not always focused on expanding the clarity necessary for astute observation.

And this brings me back to the same position I seem to be in again and again. I need focus and clarity, but pursue instead a state of intoxication and hedonism. Hmmm. There’s a bigger picture here somewhere. Let me stand back a bit…

“A merry-go-round. Merry for a while, going round, but be careful - too many revolutions and you’re likely to lose more than your lunch.”

It’s a different perspective from up here. It’s a place in Cape Town I really love. The border of the mountain meets the border of the city. The sounds of wildlife mix in with the mechanical noises below and somehow manage to harmonise. And this time of day is magical. The sea is calm today, there’s very little wind and the clarity I have been seeking this weekend seems to have finally settled in. It doesn’t take a lot to achieve- a change in your frame of mind seems equivalent to the manual focusing of the camera’s lens. Point and shoot - point yourself in the direction you want, and shoot. Capture the image of what you want. Burnt it into your retina. Tag it with all the relevant words, comments and phrases you’ll need to recall it at a moment’s notice, ready to align yourself to it again.

This expanse is mine. What I’m taking in now is what is in my reach to achieve. This is my city and this is where I’ve grown into the man I am today. Hard lessons, beautiful experiences, loving friends and chilling dark strangers. I’ve created it for me to experience and I would do it again. But I don’t won’t a repeat performance. I’m creating a new life moment by delicate moment.

“We create our world around us as a projection of self. Change your understanding of self and you change your world.”

I find it a little odd that my drive for a healthy clean lifestyle keeps getting subverted by my own doings. When everything is in alignment I can clearly see the path in front of me, the road towards the goals I dream about. But I think that for some reason I get scared of it. Almost force myself to fail. I ‘fuzz’ things up - I get drunk and lose myself in a safe womb of inebriation. It’s easy to be inspired by ideas in that state. What’s harder is taking that rough diamond and sculpting it into something beautiful, clear and most of all, finished. My drawer is full of fantastic ideas and amazing concepts but remarkably empty of finished creations.

That’s what this ritual is about though. Slowly putting the pegs is the ground and marking out the foundation. My foundation is an inner one. A spiritual and emotional foundation that I feel I’ve been missing since Bruce left. For this I need clarity. And I’m going to get it again. Just watch me.

“Turn the dial, find the spot where the static phases out and the music phases in. Now stay there.”

It did start off as supposedly being on Sundays, but besides the fact that I was in no space to blog last Sunday, I can luckily fall back on the excuse that it was stormy and there was no visible sunset anyway. It’s a good excuse and I backed it up by heading down to the promenade in Seapoint on Wednesday to snap some pics and take in the amazing swells.

To be honest these last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind tour of emotional places not explored in a while. I really didn’t expect to spend so much time with Simon while he was down, but it sorted of just ended up that way. The time we spent together was fantastic. It made me remember why I loved him so much and why he will always have such a special place in my heart. Our time together is quite natural and easy going. We talk about everything. No topic is off boundaries, although I sometimes thought perhaps some should be. I struggled quite a bit today with no-one to talk with. I immersed myself in Battlestar Galactica for the afternoon. Perhaps I should’ve worked instead, but I never manage to get that right after a tiring week/weekend.

I learnt a few things this weekend. I learnt that even though alcohol is generally not a good thing, it can be a lifesaver in certain situations. I also learnt that a little bit of Madness and Mayhem can be a good thing. I learnt that even though I doubt myself sometimes, I’m normally spot on the mark. I learnt that even though I love classical music, opera can sometimes be very tedious. I learnt that clear-headedness is something to be savoured and appreciated.

And that last point is what it is going to be about for a while. My time is becoming an extremely valuable asset which I need to spend wisely. Play when it’s time to play, but work hard when that’s necessary. It’s more necessary now than ever before. My goals have become clear, but without working towards them they’ll always just stay as goals to reach.

Advice for the day?:

“I agree with Nike - Just Do It. Reasons for not doing it are easy and cheap, but just don’t get you anywhere. Push the kruft to the side and look forward into your destiny.”